


Stay the Night

by MagicMage



Series: Joshua Shepard [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, M/M, Mass Effect 3: Citadel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-13
Updated: 2014-08-13
Packaged: 2018-02-12 23:41:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2128824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicMage/pseuds/MagicMage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>PWP featuring Kaidan and Joshua's first time after their little dinner date in Joshua's apartment on the Citadel during leave.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stay the Night

It had...not been a good day.

Joshua was exhausted, pouring over datapads and reports, stuck on the Citadel because they were being forcibly docked for leave, he'd just had to fight his own _clone_ and he was frankly not in a good mood. 

He was sitting on the couch in his apartment...and that was weird, that he had an apartment, a place to live. Meanwhile the rest of the galaxy was being blown apart by reapers, and he was sitting on a (frankly oversized) couch, watching the simulated sunset, the simulated fire, and staring blankly at the funny mosaic painting on the shelf.

There were too many neon lights outside the window. 

He sighed, shifting on the couch to try and make himself comfortable. His omnitool beeped, he tugged it out of his jeans pocket and checked the message. He had a few others, but he was ignoring them. This one, however, was from Kaidan and he couldn't ignore it.

_'So, are we doing that thing tonight?'_

Joshua frowned at the message, trying to remember what Kaidan was talking about. Somewhere, amongst all the reports, datapads, worrying, and destruction, he must have had a conversation with Kaidan about...something. He pursed his lips, vaguely recalling Kaidan mentioning that they should do something because the past few days had been so crazy.

“Oh.” he muttered as he remembered. He'd promised Kaidan they'd get dinner 'or something'. He scrubbed his hand down his face, desperately wanted to be able to indulge and have Kaidan just be near him for a few hours. They hadn't spent very much (or any) time together since their short meeting at Apollo's cafe a couple months back.

Everything was taking _so long_. Spending two weeks doing nothing was driving him mad, they'd only been on the Citadel for three days (as many days as it had taken for them to track down his clone) and he already wanted to pay someone to let him and his crew off again... But his crew did need the time off. Maybe he'd just go by himself, bring EDI and Joker and go do some things on his own.

He still needed to go and lay siege to that Cerberus base...he could do that alone...maybe.

Joshua sighed, staring down at the message again. He was so busy, he _needed_ to be so busy. People were counting on him, the galaxy was counting on him, he couldn't afford to spend the evening doing nothing... but god he wanted to. He wanted to call Kaidan up to his apartment and spend the entire evening doing nothing but being with him, near him, relax and pretend that there wasn't a war going on.

He glanced over at the pile of datapads on the coffee table, then back at the message on his omnitool. He wanted to. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. He couldn't, he had things to do, he had people to save, he had troops to move, Spectre reports to read, things to approve and disapprove.

But he couldn't deny Kaidan. Kaidan never asked him to do anything, never actually wanted to spend time with him. They were both busy, had their own things to worry about.

_'Yeah, sure let's do that thing.'_ he sent back. 

The reply was almost instantaneous, which told Joshua that Kaidan had been waiting for the reply while he agonised over it, _'I'll be up in five minutes.'_

Joshua frowned down at the message before putting his omnitool away. If he was going to take five minutes then he was probably somewhere nearby, when meant that he had really been waiting for the reply. He couldn't feel guilty, knowing that if he'd ignored or said no to him he'd probably have ruined his night.

So now it was time for Joshua to clasp his hands in front of him, leaning forward and staring into the fire simulation as he tried to think of what exactly 'that thing' was going to be. He couldn't really cook, he knew enough to keep himself alive when he felt like it, but he wasn't actually good by any stretch of the imagination. He didn't have anything actually interesting to do, he wasn't exactly a fun person. He also had nothing to talk about, besides war things and...no just war things.

If Kaidan got bored would he just leave?

Joshua pressed his lips together, standing from the couch and collecting the pile of datapads in his arms. At least he'd attempt to clean up before Kaidan got there. Kaidan probably didn't want to see all of the work that Joshua wasn't doing.

He wandered up the stairs to his room. That was the weirdest thing ever, 'his room'. Sure, he had the cabin on the Normandy, but it wasn't really his, it belonged to the Alliance. This room, this apartment, was his. Anderson had given it to him, even though he really didn't want to receive it...the implications of the receipt were painful to accept. The fact that he had a closet, a walk in closet, and about five different TVs was beyond him.

He dropped the pile of datapads into the shelf in his closet. He'd organise them later, he didn't feel up to doing it immediately. He closed the closet door, unable to walk away from the mess if he had the possibility of turning around and seeing it again. He was tired, part of him just wanted to sleep for days, but he knew that if he slept...

No.

Leaving the bedroom and wandering over to the balcony which overlooked the living room and the bar area, Joshua waited quietly. His brain was going a mile a minute, how was he going to keep Kaidan entertained?

The door to the apartment dinged and slid open, Joshua headed down the stairs. Kaidan came through the door, fluid confidence. Joshua noticed the six-pack of beer which Kaidan was carrying in one hand and he didn't miss the appreciative look that Kaidan gave him, his insides squirmed.

“Hey Shepard, I'm starving, what d'you got?”

Oh yeah, he'd said something about dinner. Joshua frowned slightly, shrugging his shoulders as he tried to think. He really didn't have very much food. He had some steak or something.

“I...I thought we'd go out or something, Kaidan.” he replied, glancing behind Kaidan to the door. He'd have an easier time being entertaining if they weren't in the apartment. But Kaidan stepped closer to him, running at hand up his arm and smirking. Joshua was pretty sure he'd swallowed a thousand butterflies the way his stomach fluttered.

“Why?” he asked, his voice husky, “We'd just end up back here, right?” Joshua reached forward and took hold of Kaidan's bicep as Kaidan kissed him. Whenever Kaidan did that he wondered if he'd died and gone to heaven. Kaidan kept that smirk on his face, and Joshua found himself nodding slowly.

“Yeah...yeah okay, I guess.” he agreed softly as Kaidan sidestepped around him and into the kitchen. Joshua watched him go, caught in his gravity and turning towards him as he went, taking a step into the kitchen.

“C'mon,” Kaidan grinned, “Let me impress you.”

Joshua raised an eyebrow at him as Kaidan wandered past the counter, “Impress me?” he asked, having trouble keeping up because he was so caught up in Kaidan being Kaidan. He was _always_ impressed with Kaidan. Kaidan returned his raised eyebrow with his own, setting a hand on the counter.

“Come on.” Kaidan repeated.

“You want me to...sit and watch you cook?” Joshua asked, not protesting just unsure. He always wondered when Kaidan wanted to do things with him, when he specifically remembered Kaidan trying to avoid him at times on the SR-1.

“You're not watching me cook you're helping me drink beer, now sit your ass down.” Kaidan said, motioning over to the bar stools at the counter and rounding it himself, putting the beer on the counter and moving to dig through the fridge. Joshua glanced at the stools, then followed. He didn't sit though, he just gave Kaidan a defiant look as he came out of the fridge with the steak, some bacon and vegetables he apparently had. He leaned against the counter instead.

Kaidan set the food on the cutting board, pointing to the beer with a pointed look as he bent to rummage through the cupboards. Joshua had no idea what was in the cupboards, he hoped there were actually cooking utensils.

He took two of the beers, opening both and setting one of Kaidan's side of the counter. He took a pull from his own, grinning when he looked at the label.

“Canadian?”

Kaidan snickered, “Yeah.”

“So, we're having some...Canadian cuisine?” Joshua asked, leaning over the counter in an effort to see what Kaidan was fishing out of the cupboard. He was pretty sure there was no such thing as Canadian cuisine.

“Uh...yeah, sure.” Kaidan replied, glancing up at him, “Exactly. We have beef, we have bacon, we have beer,” he stood setting a pair of frying pans on the counter, “the foods of my people.”

Kaidan took his beer, and Joshua lifted his to gently clink the bottles together. They both drank for a moment, Kaidan grinning at him. Kaidan set one of the frying pans on the stove, turning on the element and the oven. Joshua smiled as he set the bottle down on the counter, watching as Kaidan started chopping the garlic he'd found.

“Your people have foods?” Joshua asked. Kaidan chuckled at him, looking up from the cutting board and raising an eyebrow at him sarcastically.

“Yeah, obviously.” he told him, grinning down at the cutting board and then tossing some garlic into the pan with some butter. Joshua watched him, wondering what exactly he was cooking. “You like cooking Shepard?” Kaidan asked.

Joshua leaned into the counter for a moment, considering how to answer the question. The answer the probably closer to no then yes, but Kaidan was really into this and he didn't want to make him upset. If he downright denied liking cooking Kaidan may assume he was bored. He took another pull from his beer.

“I had a roommate on Arcturus who taught me.” That was true. He had been taught by a roommate on Arcturus, but he hadn't really retained any of the teaching. “He showed me some stuff, said that eating the cafeteria stuff 24/7 was bad for morale...” He wasn't sure he believed that, he had liked when the Normandy had a mess cook-- even if he was Cerberus.

“Is there _anything_ you're bad at?” Kaidan asked, chuckling softly. His tone made Joshua's stomach clench. He pushed off of the counter, wanting to be closer to Kaidan, wanting to pull him closer, kiss him. Even though his mind was now providing him with all of the things he _was_ bad at, his need to be closer to Kaidan overrode it.

He sidled up next to him, leaning on the counter, maintaining a compulsory amount of distance. “Who taught you to cook?” he asked, watching Kaidan wrapping the steaks in the bacon.

“Not a who,” Kaidan told him, “it was classes at Jump Zero, believe it or not. Young biotics who can't cook for themselves risk starving.”

Joshua leaned in closer, glancing at the frying pan. “Did you pass?...because you're burning the garlic.”

Kaidan gasped, reaching over to turn down the stove and putting the steaks in with the garlic. “Ah, sorry. Guess I'm distracted.” he glanced up at Joshua heatedly as he spoke. Joshua inhaled sharply, resisting the urge to pull Kaidan away from the stove and just kiss him, screw dinner.

“By what?” he asked, meeting Kaidan's gaze with his own. He just wanted to be sure, it could be the shuttles flying by outside the window.

“I wonder.” there was that pointed look again, his gaze just getting hotter, as Kaidan turned back to the food.

Joshua blushed, looking down at the counter for a minute as Kaidan shuffled around. He felt like their roles had been reversed. He wasn't used to Kaidan being distracted by him. Usually it was the other way around, usually it was Joshua's eyes roving Kaidan's body. Having Kaidan looking at him like that...

He shifted up beside Kaidan again, arm going around his waist and into the front pocket of his fatigues. He rested his chin on Kaidan's shoulder, watching the progress of their meal with minimal interest. He just wanted to be touching Kaidan. Thinking of how hesitant he had been to do call Kaidan up in the first place, he was humoured by how starkly his feelings had changed.

“So?” Kaidan asked, glancing up at him.

What he wanted to say was, 'I think I love you', instead he smiled lopsidedly and glanced down at the food, “I think I have ketchup.” his tone as light and playful as possible, he still caught the roll of Kaidan's eyes as he turned to flip the steaks.

Reluctantly, Joshua pulled away, letting his hand swipe over Kaidan's ass as he did so. The look Kaidan gave him was worth it. He settled himself on the other side of the counter, actually sitting on the bar stool this time. He watched as Kaidan transferred the steaks into the oven and then moved back to chop the vegetables.

As Kaidan tossed the vegetables, several spices, and some butter into the pan, Joshua took another pull from his beer. It actually wasn't half bad, the beer.

He'd never felt so content before. Even with the little voice at the back of his head constantly reminding him about the war that was going on, the people that were dying, the reports he was supposed to be reading over, he felt like _maybe_ it was alright to put aside the worrying for a few hours. Maybe.

Joshua watched Kaidan cooking in silence, though their gaze met every few moments and it made his insides flip every time. Kaidan looking at him, actually seeing him, when he'd resigned himself to never seeing Kaidan again after he turned himself in to the Alliance.

He desperately wanted to tell Kaidan how much he meant to him, say how much he loved him. Attraction was fine, having Kaidan look at him like _that_ and mention how good he looked or vise versa was easy, but Joshua had wanted to tell Kaidan how much he cared. He'd been loving him for so long, but he was afraid that Kaidan would retract their tentative agreement to dance around each other as interim lovers.

Even as Kaidan got out plates and cutlery, then plated their food, Joshua found himself just gazing at him, caught up in just having Kaidan near him.

“Do you want to eat in here?” Kaidan asked, their gaze meeting again and Joshua glanced around the apartment.

“There's a couch.” he offered, pointing his thumb back in the direction of the living room.

“Is there?” Kaidan asked, already picking up his plate and beer. Joshua nodded, taking his own plate as well.

“Yeah.” He hopped off the bar stool, leading the way into the living room and setting his plate on the coffee table. He sat back on the couch as Kaidan set down his own plate and sat beside him close enough that their legs were touching.

Kaidan reached forward and took his plate off of the table, balancing it on his knee and watching Joshua until he did the same. Apparently he was going to wait until Joshua took a bite to start eating. Joshua felt like he'd been put on the spot, but indulged Kaidan anyways. He couldn't say no to Kaidan. He'd tried so many times.

He glanced up at Kaidan as he cut the steak, collected some of the vegetables on his fork and then took a bite. It was good, despite Kaidan almost burning the garlic. The steak and the vegetables complimented each other. He was surprised, mostly because it was all just random ingredients Kaidan had rescued from his fridge.

Kaidan was looking at him expectantly, even with a little bit of apprehension. Joshua leaned against him.

“It's amazing.” he said, meaning it completely. Kaidan smiled.

“So...no ketchup?”

“Not this time.” Joshua agreed, cutting another bite out of his steak. He realised he hadn't eaten since that morning when he'd ate a few crackers out of necessity.

Again they lapsed into silence, Joshua focusing on eating because he was actually hungry. It wasn't uncomfortable, which most of their silences were. There weren't any words which wanted to be said. They were just content.

As he finished his dinner, and actually regretted it as opposed to feeling like he'd just finished an obligation, he set his plate on the table again next to his now empty beer bottle. Kaidan put his plate on the table as well, standing up slowly and turning to smile down at Joshua. Joshua raised his brows at him.

“More beer?” Kaidan asked, already sauntering off into the kitchen.

“Yeah, please.” Joshua said after him, watching him go appreciatively. Kaidan glanced back over his shoulder.

“Enjoying the view?” he asked, smirking. Joshua blushed, but managed to nod in reply with a grin on his face.

“Definitely.”

Kaidan chuckled, continuing into the kitchen and returning moments later with two beers. He bent over to hand Joshua his beer, and Joshua took it. He was surprised when Kaidan leaned in further and pressed a firm kiss to his lips, planting a knee on either side of Joshua's leg and wrapping his now free arm around behind his head.

Joshua wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist, returning his kiss enthusiastically. He groaned softly. He took a sharp breath when Kaidan broke the kiss to sit down next to him, keeping the arm around his shoulders. Joshua shuffled closer. It was _just_ a kiss.

Kaidan crossed his legs, taking a sip of his beer and turning to smile affectionately at him. Joshua returned the smile, desperately wanting to feel Kaidan's lips on his again.

“Well,” Kaidan muttered huskily, “this was great.” Joshua snuck his arm between the couch and Kaidan's waist, pulling him closer.

“Is it over?” he asked, his disappointment seeping into his tone. He felt nervous about it for a moment, he wasn't really sure that he was supposed to complain if Kaidan wanted to leave. If all he wanted was dinner, some beer, and a kiss, then he should be happy with it. Besides that, he wasn't even sure what he should do if Kaidan stayed.

“Well, what do you suggest?” Kaidan asked. Joshua felt a shiver go up his spine, he dropped his gaze to stare blankly at their legs, they were so close that his leg was resting over Kaidan's. He knew what he wanted, but he felt like it was too much to ask. They'd never done anything beyond kissing, or suggestive touching and heated glances.

He shrugged, too apprehensive to ask for anything more, “I just want to keep this moment, right now.”

Kaidan chuckled softly, shifting so he could rest his head on his shoulder. Joshua sighed, laying his head on Kaidan's and closing his eyes for a moment. This was good, Kaidan wasn't going anywhere, at least for now, and he hadn't endangered their relationship by asking too much.

“You know...” Kaidan started, his voice made another shiver run up Joshua's spine. Kaidan shifted again, this time he took both of their beers and set them on the table, then swung his leg over Joshua's legs and looked down at him hotly, “We could also do something...else.”

Joshua wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist as Kaidan took hold of either side of his head and kissed him. Joshua moaned softly, swiping his tongue over Kaidan's lips and coaxing his tongue out of his mouth. He sucked Kaidan's tongue into his mouth as Kaidan pressed a hand to his chest, under his jacket.

As Kaidan's hand explored his chest, he broke the kiss so that he could suck on Kaidan's neck. Hearing Kaidan's gasp made him want to press him into the couch and have his way with him right then, but he was good, patient. Kaidan's hand slipped under his shirt, thumb coming to rub at his nipple. Joshua arched into the touch, trying hard to keep his focus on the attention he was giving to Kaidan's neck.

“God Shepard.” Kaidan gasped. Joshua 'hmm'ed against his neck in reply, kissing up to Kaidan's jaw.

“I think we should...uh...move.” Joshua muttered into the spot under Kaidan's ear.

“Yeah?” Kaidan asked, pinching Joshua's nipple. Joshua moaned softly, remembering (only just) how to nod. He bucked his hips up against Kaidan's, his cock hard against the bulge in Kaidan's pants. Kaidan rolled his hips back against Joshua's, returning Joshua's moan with his own.

“Yeah, please.” Joshua breathed, and Kaidan retracted his hand from under Joshua's shirt.

“'Kay.”

Joshua missed the contact as Kaidan stood up, but he let his arms fall from Kaidan's waist. Kaidan looked down at him, holding out his hand, Joshua took it, letting himself be pulled up. His arms slipped right around Kaidan's waist again, tugging him closer and kissing him again. He couldn't help it, he felt like his body was moving itself. He ground his hips against Kaidan's, revelling in the way Kaidan moaned and kissed him more insistently.

“So,” Kaidan asked as he broke the kiss, “where are we going?”

“Room, upstairs.” Joshua replied, feeling like a foolish teenager and unable to keep the grin from his face. He'd been dreaming of this since...since what felt like forever. He took Kaidan's hand and led him through the apartment, pausing at the bottom of the stairs to tug Kaidan against him again and letting himself be kissed until he was gasping for breath.

As soon as they entered his room he shrugged off his jacket, letting it fall to the ground without care. He turned around to lead Kaidan by the hips to his bed, feeling his legs hit the edge of the mattress and falling so he was in a reclined sitting position. Kaidan followed him, kneeling over him.

“You're gorgeous.” Kaidan breathed, pushing him down against the bed with one hand against his shoulder.

“So're you.” Joshua replied, tugging Kaidan into another heated kiss. He set to work undoing the jacket of Kaidan's fatigues, as Kaidan's hand snuck under his shirt again. He groaned as Kaidan rolled his nipple, feeling self conscious when Kaidan chuckled.

“Sensitive?” Kaidan asked, smirking down at him, a heat settled in his belly. He wanted Kaidan so badly he thought he may combust.

“No.” he gasped, arching into Kaidan's touch and feeling a thrill of triumph as he managed to get Kaidan's jacket to open. But Kaidan was now pushing his shirt up, past his chest so it bunched just under his arms.

“Really? Because I could have sworn...” Kaidan leaned forward and pressed the flat of his tongue over Joshua's nipple, he gasped and gripped the blanket, arching his back again.

“Ah!” he closed his eyes, caught in the pleasure as Kaidan sucked, nibbled and swirled his tongue around one nipple while he rolled the other between his fingers. His hands, having forgotten their task, moved to grip Kaidan's hips and pull them against his. When Kaidan moaned against his chest Joshua squeezed, fingers biting into the tough fabric of Kaidan's pants. He dared open his eyes, catching Kaidan watching him like a cat who'd caught it's prey. He shivered.

Kaidan climbed back up again, kissing Joshua fiercely and taking the air out of his lungs. Joshua pressed their hips together, and Kaidan responded, grinding their covered lengths together until they were both panting and desperate. “See?” Kaidan muttered, sitting back only so he could pull off Joshua's shirt. Joshua was lucky his face was already red, he would have gone more red if possible.

“Yeah okay.” he grumbled, getting revenge by cupping Kaidan through his pants and watching as his eyes slid shut and he pressed into the touch. He massaged Kaidan's length as he set about actually unbuckling and unbuttoning the rest of his uniform with his free hand.

“Fuck.” Kaidan gasped as Joshua slipped his hand between Kaidan's briefs his bare skin. Joshua kissed him, a bit more gently this time, tugging Kaidan out of the confines of his pants and stroking him. He liked the way Kaidan's legs shook with the effort of holding the odd position, halfway between sitting and kneeling over him.

He was sort of waiting for Kaidan to call it off, even though he'd been the one to make the move. He wasn't sure how far they were supposed to be going, but he found himself whispering into Kaidan's ear anyways, “Yeah, that's what I want you to do.”

The heated look that Kaidan gave him, accompanied with a deepthroated chuckle when he pulled away undid something in him, he pulled Kaidan down on top of him, relinquishing hold on his cock to do so, and sucked passionately at Kaidan's neck. With little effort he rolled them over so that he was on top of him, straddling his hips. His own cock ached in it's confines. His pants, which were too tight to start with, were tight enough to be uncomfortable now.

He rolled his hips down against Kaidan's, watching as Kaidan took hold of his hip in one hand and undid his pants with the other. Just having the button and zip undone was a relief.

“Alright then.” Kaidan said, voice low and making Joshua want to hear more of it _right now._ “How are we going to do this?” he asked, rolling his hips up against Joshua's. Joshua leaned forward to help Kaidan out of his fatigue jacket and undershirt.

His brain wasn't working very well, Kaidan seemed to be taking a step back even as he was rolling his hips up against him and Joshua had having trouble following.

“What?” he asked, meeting Kaidan's movements with his own and groaning softly, hands planted on Kaidan's bare stomach, feeling the muscles move beneath them. Kaidan chuckled again, reaching up and tugging him down by his chin to kiss him firmly.

“Slow down a bit there, Shepard.”

Joshua didn't just slow down he stopped, feeling like he'd been doused in freezing water and looking down at Kaidan with a carefully neutral expression. He was so desperate for this, his heart felt like it was going to beat it's way out of his chest.

“Sorry. What?” he asked, convinced that this was where Kaidan decided that this was too much and left. Thanks for the memories, they were fun. But Kaidan just kissed him again, his free hand slipping into Joshua's jeans and squeezing his ass gently. Joshua couldn't stop the moan from escaping his throat.

“How do you want this?”

Oh, that was okay. It didn't even take any thinking, he'd already thought of his enough times to know the answer five-hundred times over. It didn't make it any easier to say out loud, he'd never even considered that part of the equation.

“I um...” his mind blanked, Kaidan was rolling his hips again and he was pretty much okay with just doing that forever, but then Kaidan pinched his chin lightly and he remembered the subject, “Inside me, fuck, _please_.” he blurted, as Kaidan's fingers slipped between the crease of his ass.

He would have been embarrassed or humoured by his own words, but there was a finger rubbing over the pucker of his entrance and that was all his brain was giving him at the moment. He even barely registered Kaidan chuckling again.

“I can do that...hmm Commander Shepard, leaning over me and begging me to fuck him...that's hot.”

Joshua nodded dumbly, rolling his hips forward against Kaidan's and then back against his hand. He'd needed this for way too long. Kaidan's hand pulled away from him though, and he looked up to see Kaidan looking up at him expectantly. For a moment he was confused, and then he realised there were a few things preventing them from accomplishing his wish.

“Oh, yeah, uh...” his words weren't coming very easily, an apparent short circuit between his brain and his mouth. He pushed off of the bed, with great trouble, he was so caught in Kaidan's gravitational pull. He set about taking off his shoes as Kaidan followed suit, his hands apparently weren't working very well either. Then he shucked off his jeans and underwear, kicking them away before going over to the side table and fishing out the lube he'd bought more because he was lonely and less because he'd ever imagined _this_ happening.

When he turned back to the bed Kaidan was naked as well. Even though Kaidan gave him a smirk with his eyebrow raised, he couldn't really return it, glancing shyly to the side. This was beyond his wildest dreams, this was actually Kaidan. His stomach gnawed anxiously.

“C'mere.” Kaidan held out his hand to him, and Joshua took it, allowing himself to be pulled back over to the bed. Kaidan lay on the bed properly, Joshua straddled his hips. Their uncovered cocks came into contact, and they both gasped softly, “This how we're doing it?” he asked, his fingers already exploring the cleft of Joshua's ass again.

Joshua nodded. He didn't like being stuck underneath anyone, call it a tactical thing. Kaidan held up his free hand, the one which wasn't dancing fingers over the back of his balls. It took Joshua a moment to remember that he held the lube still, he was far more focused on rubbing against Kaidan's dick and making sure Kaidan's fingers kept moving.

He dropped the lube into Kaidan's hand, leaning forward so he could put his hands on either side of Kaidan let his head fall forward. Kaidan chuckled _again_ , damn him. Every time he did that Joshua didn't know whether to cum on the spot or feel embarrassed.

“This is fun.” Kaidan said, retracting his fingers again. Joshua looked up at him from under his brows.

“It is?” he asked, unsure what Kaidan meant.

“Yeah, I can practically _see_ your brain short circuiting behind your eyes. It's great.” Oh, so Kaidan was picking on him. He pursed his lips at him, looking mockingly hurt, then he kissed him, pressing his body against him as he did so.

“Shut u-ah!”

Kaidan had started pressing a finger against his entrance again, and was now smirking at him calmly. He had no idea how Kaidan was so calm, completely collected to the point that it was frustrating, even as he pressed the finger past his tight ring of muscle to his knuckle.

“You know it might be a little bit awkward to prepare you properly this way...” Kaidan muttered huskily. Joshua replied by moaning and pressing back against his finger, he just wanted Kaidan _now_ , he didn't care. A part of his mind wondered how on Earth Kaidan knew any of this, considering he'd been apparently straight on the SR-1, but he didn't care about that either right now.

As Kaidan started thrusting his finger in and out of Joshua's ass, Joshua took his and Kaidan's dicks in his hand, thrusting into his hand with each press of Kaidan's finger. _That_ at least got Kaidan's attention, his motions stuttering slightly before they renewed and the second finger was added.

It wasn't comfortable, it felt weird, it always felt weird, but he liked it anyways. It was a good weird. A strange mixture of invasion, pleasure, and stretching.

Joshua let his head fall against Kaidan's shoulder, still stroking their cocks in his hand and moaning as Kaidan's fingers worked in and out of him. The third made him wince slightly, just a bit too far past discomfort. He hadn't done this in a very long time, at least not with someone else. He didn't usually go past two fingers, there was really no point.

“Sh...Shepard...you okay?” Kaidan asked breathily, Joshua replied by nodding slowly and kissing Kaidan's shoulder.

“Please.” he gasped, “Kaidan fuck me.”

The noise which erupted from Kaidan was almost a growl, lust filled, and his fingers pressed roughly into Joshua's hole. He moaned.

“Just a bit more.” Kaidan replied, and damn his patience Joshua wanted him _yesterday_. But he didn't relent, even when Joshua started sucking on his neck again. He could feel the heat coiling in his belly, from his own attentions to his dick and and Kaidan's attention to his ass. He had to release his and Kaidan's lengths so he could breathe and coax himself down. When he breathed he smelt Kaidan, and it was intoxicating.

“Please.” he whimpered, finally, panting and he pressed back against Kaidan's stretching fingers. At last he withdrew them and Joshua lifted his head to see a remarkably soft smile on Kaidan's face, considering the activity they were doing.

“Come here.” he whispered, wrapping his arm around the back of Joshua's head momentarily to pull him into a kiss. Joshua kissed him back, slipping forward so that Kaidan could get hold of his cock and coat it with lubricant and then he kissed the corner of Kaidan's lips, his cheek, his jaw.

“Kaidan.” he gasped, the slick feeling of the head of Kaidan's cock against his entrance making him buck back against him.

One of Kaidan's hands settled on his hip, the other holding his own length. Joshua allowed himself to be guided down onto Kaidan's cock. He gasped painfully as he felt Kaidan's cock press into him. The feeling of his entrance giving way a mix of pleasure and being stretched way too big. He whined, he didn't mean to, but it escaped without his permission.

“Relax Shepard...” Kaidan muttered, his hand rubbing into Joshua's hip.

“I know.” Joshua replied through clenched teeth, his head falling forward, feeling Kaidan thrust shallowly. It felt so good, but it ached. He didn't know how he could feel both things at the same time. His own erection was flagging, he could feel it, his focus on the ache making it soften.

“You're not though.” Kaidan told him. So Joshua took a deep breath through his nose, cracking his eyes open and looking up at Kaidan under thick lashes and his furrowed brow. “Hey.” Kaidan said, like his cock wasn't part way up his ass. Joshua took another breath, his legs were shaking with the effort of holding himself up. He was so tempted to just let them go limp and take the consequences.

“H-hey...” he breathed, the muscles in his back and shoulders relaxed just seeing the look on Kaidan's face, feeling the thumb which was drawing circles on his hip. That alone made the ache lessen a bit, it no longer felt like he was being torn all the way up his spine.

“Do you want to stop?” Kaidan asked, completely serious. Joshua leaned forward, putting more weight on his arms so his legs didn't protest as much.

“No, please.”

“Kay, then tell me when you're good, I'm yours to command.” _That_ statement sent a thrill of arousal down his spine and straight to his dick, which twitched. He nodded, just breathing for a moment before he rocked his hips slightly as a test. Kaidan groaned, eyes slipping shut and hips twitching slightly. Joshua really wanted to see that look again.

He rolled his hips again, taking a bit more of Kaidan in. Both of them moaned, Kaidan's mouth fell open.

“God you're _tight._ ” Kaidan gasped, “I've never...uh fuck.” And just like that his erection was back at full force. He leaned back, bracing himself on Kaidan's leg with one hand and taking hold of his own cock in the other. He stroked slowly, working himself down onto Kaidan's length and letting himself relax properly.

The process was slow, Kaidan's hips twitching a few times. The burn and the ache slowly turning into a warm heat.

“Uh...wow.” he moaned as he felt Kaidan's hips connect with his ass finally, fully seated with Kaidan inside him. Kaidan was panting, looking up at him with half lidded eyes. He thought maybe he should be a bit embarrassed that Kaidan was watching his hand move over his cock with such a hungry expression, but he just bucked his hips lightly, earning a moan and Kaidan's eyes rolling slightly.

“Wow.” he agreed, taking hold of his other hip as well. “Now don't move again or I'll cum right then and there and that'd be...”

It was Joshua's turn to smirk, he liked undone Kaidan. He liked how he was both in control and not in control of the situation, Kaidan's hands on his hips, but he was still on top. He could see every little twitch of Kaidan's face, could feel the way his cock pressed against everything in just the right way.

He rocked his hips slightly, moaning loudly as he felt Kaidan's cock press against his prostate, “Fuck me, I don't care if you cum.” he gasped, “Fill me.” He leaned forward again, lifting himself off of Kaidan's length just enough so that Kaidan could be the one to thrust into him.

Kaidan seemed well enough to comply with that, his hold on his hips increasing as he trust up into him.

“God damn it, Joshua...” Kaidan growled, thrusting hard and fast, arching off the bed. Joshua moaned in reply, gripping Kaidan's shoulder with his free hand and pumping himself with the other. He wanted to hear Kaidan say his name one-hundred times more.

“Fuck!” he grit his teeth, heat pooling insistently in his belly as Kaidan thrust into him, the sound of flesh hitting flesh filling the room.

“Yes...” Kaidan pulled him down to kiss him, one hand still on his hip as he filled him with each thrust. Kaidan hit his prostate again, he moaned into the kiss, clamping down on Kaidan's cock. That put Kaidan over the edge, “Joshua, ah!” he cried, thrusting as his body tensed, Joshua felt the spurt of warmth inside him which signified his end.

Joshua followed quickly behind, gripping his own cock tightly and cumming over Kaidan's belly with a harsh cry and Kaidan's name on his lips. He let his head fall on Kaidan's shoulder, feeling heavy and sated. After a moment Kaidan began running a hand up Joshua's back, fingers running over his spine and his shoulder muscles.

Joshua hadn't felt so sated and relaxed in years. He hummed against Kaidan's shoulder, pressing a kiss to his collarbone.

“Good?” Kaidan asked, his breath steadying. He sounded a bit unsure, as if there was any doubt at all.

“Oh my god.” Joshua replied. None of his dreams would ever be able to live up to the real, living, breathing Kaidan. Ever.

Kaidan chuckled softly and Joshua felt it through his chest, “Good.” He shifted slightly, his now soft length slipping from Joshua, who grunted softly. Joshua was pretty sure he was about to fall asleep, Kaidan's hand still rubbing up and down his back, oddly he didn't mind that much. He could probably fit the amount of sleep he'd had in the past few months into a thimble.

So he snuggled against Kaidan's shoulder, “Do you want to stay the night?” he asked, and it was probably the bravest thing he'd ever done. It meant more than just sex, it meant more than just a tentative agreement, if Kaidan stayed the night with Joshua curled up against him.

“I thought I already was.” Kaidan told him plainly, pressing his cheek to the side of Joshua's head and squeezing him around the middle. He vaguely realised they'd need to get clean, Kaidan had wiped the lube on the sheets, and that he still had a pile of datapads to take care of, but he oddly didn't care.

He just wanted to keep Kaidan next to him for the rest of the night, forever, no matter how unrealistic that was.


End file.
